Kimberly Berg Encounters a Mini Teachable Moment

Hey all,
Kimberly Berg (now graduate of Cohort J) sent in this lovely thought piece about a fascinating encounter she had in an unlikely place..

Kimberly Berg,
Conversation Leader

Cheering vs. motivating

by Kimberly Berg

I was climbing the stairs in Culver City. As one ascends what becomes clear is that their daunting not simply because there are over 400 steps at a steep angle but that they’re also very uneven in height. Some are quite reasonable, akin to an apartment building stairwell. While many demand double the effort and lung capacity to mount them (causing short ones like me to have to really reach!). 

As I dragged my heaving torso and leaden legs towards the top, I was met by a slender, tall, very fit, African American man-friendly, chipper…. annoying? How can he be so happy when at this moment, tempered with exhaustion, I’m barely audible! Mumbling, waving hands, I send the “thumbs up” in his direction, hoping he won’t expect conversation at this point.

Okay. 2^nd round. There he is again. This time with a bit more breath available I say to him, “how sweet of you to cheer us on”.  He responded positively but then quickly enough decided that my word to describe his support was incorrect. He preferred, “motivator”. “Cheering”, was decidedly too feminine.

I said what’s wrong with being “feminine”? He immediately understood what I meant. You mean, caring, he asked? YES! I said enthusiastically, with an undercurrent of shock humming within too.  He associated feminine to caring. How beautiful to know that a random man on the Culver City steps, is carrying around the consciousness that femininity equates to care! 

Yet, it’s that very fact he didn’t want to be associated with the word care that caused a brief bubble of disappointment or sadness to pop up.  We continued talking a bit longer. I expressed that caring is precisely what he’s doing at the top of those stairs, helping others feel good about their accomplishments.  After pause, he did agree. How sweet (another feminine feature I suppose?).  He put his masculine idea’s aside for a moment and decide that care was a quality he valued and was happy to be seen as a man who was able to care and feel safe with that truth being exposed.

You’ll know there’s a huge shift in consciousness the day boys are referred to as “girly” and it’s taken as a compliment! And when later in life they hear: Why mister so and so….you have so many feminine qualities, we’ve been searching for a girly man like you, welcome to our firm! HA….not likely but one can play, dance and skirt around the notion.

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Thanks so much Kimberly for sharing this lovely essay - you are a whiz at describing this kind of "micro moment" in which you created a shift in thinking, just by standing up for "the feminine" and giving permission for him to "own" his own caring.

- Sara